So, this post isn't going to follow any of the 'rules' of good writing. There will be very little to no structure so what you may read will probably be hard to follow. Sorry. I'm not inadvertently challenging you to keep reading, however, if you feel so inclined to keep up with the following, then kudos to you and thanks. But, in the interest of being less obnoxious, this particular post will concern my
spirit.
I've probably bored readers to death with my food and exercise lists. Due to the integrity and keeping in line with the intent and nature of this blog, I feel a slightly compelled to share my diet and exercise for Day 16. And admit that I've become lazy with my skin care regimen and water drinking. I've been eating lots of protein in my diet and should increase my water intake. Period. Veggies and fruit intake have increased as well. Makes me happy. No more fast food, sodas, or coffee for me. The dairy I have not done away with entirely. Haven't managed to shake that from my diet, however, I don't consume as much as I previously did. I ran 3/4 of a mile yesterday. It felt good, I pushed myself, but didn't push too hard. I did some strength training that felt good. My muscles aren't feeling too bombarded and I want to keep it that way. Apparently taking cold showers after a workout helps to reduce lactic acid buildup in ones muscles, or at least so I'm told and have experienced.
Could not sleep tonight. I do not know why. Perhaps it's because I'm thinking about all the possibilities with my future in the new career direction I'm taking. If you would have asked my 7 years ago if this was the direction I would be heading in, I would have told you that you were a crazy person. But in some sense, part of my career direction isn't necessarily new to me or unheard of in the span of my interest. It's just the context, the ever-so-crucial context of my career path that I would have called b.s. on if that's what you would've suggested!
At this point, I have a lot of work ahead of me. But I'll get there. I understand the work I have to put in and I'm willing to commit to it...The more I try, the harder I push myself, the more in the end I find myself enjoying it...
I've learned that although I'm 'sensitive', I can be as feisty and fearless as hell when it comes to what I care about. I suppose that's the nature of passionate people. Oh, the drama! :D
I've also learned over the past few years to listen to my gut. I've managed to do that only 50% of the time. And when I did not listen to my intuition, rely on instinct, trust my spidey-sense, then guess what, I got burned! Bad! I saw the little tiny red flags wave in my head. I heard the quiet voice of 'danger' and I chose to ignore it on many occasions. I felt myself wince, felt myself squirm a little bit when I went against those very tiny little red flags, but I did it anyway. I should point out that it wasn't as if I was making stupid choices. I looked at my situation at the time and did what I thought was right. Yet, I chose the easier road which turned out to have its costs. But, it wasn't in the end the 'right' road, it was just a road I apparently needed to detour on to really figure myself out. I'm glad I did. There were certain costs involved with this detour, but in the end, there were some things I needed to figure out on my own. And I did. Kudos to me.
Very often, I'll listen to radio talk shows with speakers with vastly different political ideologies than my own. I lean one way, they lean the other. I like to keep my opinions and perspective challenged as blank-winged as I may be. I heard some very good advice earlier from an unlikely source. This individual said that if you cannot sleep, instead of worrying about not sleeping, look at the stars. Several months ago, when I was in the middle of that detour, I had a very sleepless night when I was camping. I looked up at the stars. I did some crying. I did some talking, I did some thinking. There was something incredibly therapeutic about star gazing. In fact, it's one of my favorite things to do. This universe is so big, so vast, and it really helps me put my problems in perspective as all of a sudden they seem to tiny in comparison to the larger picture. I'm not saying that it's the thing everyone should do, no, I would never do that, but it has helped me at least one time to just gaze and wonder at the stars...to sit in awe of the awesome galaxy we live in. It's beautiful, dark, cold, unending, lonesome yet ethereal, fascinating and mysterious to no end, it's a sea of wonder and emptiness at the same time filled with paradoxes from the macrocosm down to the very microcosm. So much to learn, so much to experience, and so much to be amazed.
I just had one of my dogs curl up and cuddle with me as I type. It's the cutest thing in the world. He looks at me with adoring eyes, he is beginning to fall asleep. My other dog wants me to feed him. And I've told him 'no' several times. Then I took him in my arms and cuddled with him. He's a sucker for that. He's a cuddle bug. And that's what I love about him. He's happiest when he cuddles with you. Now that he's grooming himself, I think he's not as anxious about the food. Now he's falling asleep. He just let out that last sigh. It's amazing. The feeling of trust and comfort. Dogs are awesome.
